Moo-lah Madness: Divorcing with Dollars


Dear Cupcake,

I'm preparing for a divorce and want to make sure I have my money stashed safely. Any tips on how to do this without my soon-to-be-ex finding out?

Sincerely,
Splitting in Sacramento

Dear Splitting in Sacramento,

Oh, honey, I got you! Divorces can be as messy as a mud bath, but with a little creativity, you can make sure your money stays as hidden as a needle in a haystack. Here are my top tips for stashing your cash:

  1. The Secret Sock Drawer: Everyone has that one drawer filled with old socks no one wears. Stuff your cash in the toes of those socks. No one will suspect a thing, especially if they're the ones with the holes in them.

  2. Bury It in the Backyard: Take a page from the squirrels' playbook and bury your money in the backyard. Just make sure you remember where you buried it. A treasure map could come in handy, but don’t make it too obvious, like an "X" marks the spot.

  3. The Heavy Metal Approach: If you love heavy metal as much as I do, why not hide your cash inside an old guitar or drum set? Not only will it be safe, but you’ll also get a kick out of knowing your ex will never find your secret stash in the middle of your rock 'n' roll gear.

  4. Cat-tastic Hiding Spots: Mrs. Fluffypuss loves her cozy cat tree, and you should too! Hide your cash inside the base or within her favorite toy. No one dares to mess with a cat's territory.

  5. In Plain Sight: Sometimes the best hiding spots are right under everyone's nose. Consider putting your money in a fake book on the bookshelf, inside an old board game box, or even taped under a drawer. These spots are so ordinary that they’ll never attract attention.

Remember, the key to hiding money during a divorce is to think like a sneaky spy. Be creative, be clever, and above all, keep your cool. Your soon-to-be-ex won't know what hit them!

Stay Grazing and Amazing,

Cupcake



Do you have a financial question for Cupcake to try and answer? Email us your suggestion at beastlybanterblog@gmail.com

About the Author



A retired lunch lady and lottery winner, Cupcake brings her love for heavy metal and financial 'wisdom' to Moo-lah Madness. Every Friday, she offers hilariously terrible financial advice, all while caring for her cat, Mrs. Fluffypuss.

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